* My kingdom for an editor

I will not break my self-imposed rule about publically reviewing a book I cannot give 5 stars.

I’m currently reading a detective series that has a lot going for it. The plots are quite clever, they all have happy endings (4.999 stars right there), and the characters are believable. If only I could edit them for the author! Argh! My brain won’t let me glide past numerous incredible errors, perhaps because some are quite humorous. Here’s a sentence I’ve created using a few of my favorites:

As I rode into the town with its population of $7000, I gave up the reigns of my horse because I was Busched.

What? Were the books written on an iPhone? I’ve had some seriously awkward word substitutions with Siri, so I sympathize. Sort of. I was trying to find the key to our storeroom (shed) while my dear teaching widower was out of town. He has this unhappy habit of popping keys in his jacket pockets and driving off into the sunset. And yeah, I was dictating this while dr*****, too.

Me: Do you have the sh#! key?

Him: What?

Me: The sh*@ key.

Him: What?

Me: Did you put it in your pocket?

Him: What?

Me: The sh@! key! I need to spray the deer.

Him: WHAT?