In her recent post “Everything is About to Change,” Michelle Malone challenges me to “seek, identify, and track the signs of change in your life rather than ignoring them. Whether you’re about to experience a fallow season or a bumper crop, seek, identify, and track the signs of change. Then move through this season — praising God for the opportunity to live, to bend, to change, and to grow.”
With Tikeetha Thomas’ style in mind (she’s a very organized, thoughtful lady who also responded to Michelle’s prompt), here I go:
- I am gradually moving away from the gut-wrenching fear of losing my dearest teaching widower. He has heart disease, horrible heart disease from nasty genes. He was given a short life expectancy after his first heart attack and 5-bypass surgery. By God’s grace, we are still together. After the second heart attack, I tried to live as though each day was our last together on this earth, but I was worn out and nasty by 3 days. There’s no being perfect. I’ve stuffed my fear and cried my fear and talked my fear and prayed my fear. Recently, I have seen more clearly that my precious husband has become an idol. Not a gold figurine that I bow down to, but someone who took the place of God. My husband cannot save me, love me unconditionally, and keep us I together forever, but God can and will. For the longest time, my heart simply couldn’t trust God with that truth.
- I am a self-absorbed person. I don’t want to be. I recognize the swill that flows from living near the center of my universe. I bump into my self-centeredness every day and attempt to thrust myself out of this useless orbit. With God’s grace, I am changing ever so slightly. You know the trajectory of a rocketship that starts off with a minor degree of error and ends up far from its destiny? That’s good news. Jesus is propelling me away from that Katharine-centered universe and into other-centered worlds.
Some of you may have seen the J-word and already gone to another blog. I would have done the same for half of my life. I was a scoffer and mocker extraordinaire, until I came to the end of everything and found a new beginning.
My dearest widower prefers anonymity. His universe does not revolve around himself, for sure.