Look who stopped by! CPI inTouch Santa Security detected Santa in the act at 12/8/2019 9:27:44 pm.
I will not break my self-imposed rule about publically reviewing a book I cannot give 5 stars.
I’m currently reading a detective series that has a lot going for it. The plots are quite clever, they all have happy endings (4.999 stars right there), and the characters are believable. If only I could edit them for the author! Argh! My brain won’t let me glide past numerous incredible errors, perhaps because some are quite humorous. Here’s a sentence I’ve created using a few of my favorites:
As I rode into the town with its population of $7000, I gave up the reigns of my horse because I was Busched.
What? Were the books written on an iPhone? I’ve had some seriously awkward word substitutions with Siri, so I sympathize. Sort of. I was trying to find the key to our storeroom (shed) while my dear teaching widower was out of town. He has this unhappy habit of popping keys in his jacket pockets and driving off into the sunset. And yeah, I was dictating this while dr*****, too.
Me: Do you have the sh#! key?
Me: The sh*@ key.
Me: Did you put it in your pocket?
Me: The sh@! key! I need to spray the deer.
Although this isn’t the REAL new year, the 2018-2019 school year, it’s still a great time for taking stock of where you’ve been and where you are going with your students. Bless you if you live and die by pacing guides and a district that emphasizes teaching to the test. Ignoring that major speed bump for now, my best advice is to love your students each day.
What does it look like to love your kiddos? Believing in each one. Knowing their strengths and challenges. Smiling and laughing. Connecting with families. Being patient with them and yourself. Buying a daily calendar with pages that can be ripped off and torn into shreds if it was THAT kind of day, never to be held against anyone.
On the topic of daily calendars, I bought us the 2019 New Yorker cartoon version and am most disappointed. You can even buy the cover cartoon as a poster, if you lack a sense of humor and have a bare wall in your shed. My dearest teaching widower had to google it before we understood the “joke.” You know what they say about explaining jokes….* Of course, we may hold the minority opinion on that. No one has asked me to publish anything anywhere.
I’ve got a lot of catching up to do in the blogosphere but I am not making any resolutions. You could make it a resolution to read my blog every day, knowing full well that there won’t be daily posts. That will give you time to follow up on other resolutions, such as reading current brain research, hunting for new teaching technologies, and using that new gym membership or exercise app. Right.
- Ding dong
Signs of the times
Looking for a sign? These will make you laugh, guaranteed!
Silver‘s engine blew up two days ago. That Subaru meant a lot to me, mostly because of how I got it. I was at a back-to-school event and of course, still there long after it was over. My dearest teaching widower called to ask when I was coming home. He also asked if I had expected a package from UPS. I said a DVD was on the way and he said the package didn’t look like that. I drove home immediately and there was a huge brown package in the driveway.
I was puzzled but saw the UPS markings, etc. and my dearest widower said since it was addressed to me, I should open it up. As I pulled on the “box,” I realized it was heavy brown paper, not cardboard. I started unrolling it and saw the bottom edges of tires! I was totally flummoxed (obviously my blood sugar was low!) and the next-door neighbors, who were hanging out of their upstairs window, yelled at me, “Open it up! Keep going!”
I kept unraveling the wrapping paper and realized it truly was a vehicle! “Did you wrap a car from the state pool?” I asked my widower, who was looking less thrilled by the moment. (Since he traveled for the state, he often used a state car when driving a long distance. )
“No! This is not a state car!” he exclaimed.
“Did you steal a car?” (I am still not sure why that was in question….)
The neighbors laughed and my dearest widower, ever patient, said calmly, “No, I didn’t steal it.” I actually repeated that question numerous times as I ripped off the final shreds of wrapping paper.
The silver Forester sparkled, brand new with with shiny black
hooves tires. I thought of the old TV show, The Lone Ranger, and immediately named it Silver. Sadly, I was still asking my husband if he stole the car as we went in the house. Poor guy. Seriously, we never bought something that big without doing it together. And no, my dearest teaching widower has never stolen ANYTHING, except my heart.
From The Babylon Bee. Average American Now Complains More in a Week Than People Living Through the Black Plague Did Their Entire Lives Demonstrating just how bad modern life has gotten, surveys now show that the average American today complains more in a week than people living during the black plague complained throughout their entire […]
You know how funny she is. You think you have read it all. But then, Bluebird of Bitterness comes up with more reasons to laugh, all the while exposing my griping personality!
Yes, but I need more time! Chris’ blog is a terrific place to find all kinds of reading gems. Check it out!
Out of my mind – Back in 5 minutes
The good news is that I managed to get my car parked at school today before it was enveloped in smoke*. The bad news is that I had to wait for 3.5 hours for a tow truck.
The good news is that the tow truck had a flatbed for carrying my car. The bad news is that the driver wouldn’t walk near my car because he disliked muddy potholes.
The good news is that the driver said I drove my car onto his truck better than he’s ever seen before! The bad news is that he nearly plowed into several cars as we headed for the garage near my house, texting and trying repeatedly to reach his boss by phone.
The good news is that he finally reached his boss. The bad news is that his diesel truck was in a mileage countdown which would end with us traveling 5 mph to avoid emitting toxic diesel fumes
The good news is that I was able to clamber up the flatbed and drive my car successfully off his truck before the diesel engine quit working. The bad news is that my car’s radiator is destroyed.
The good news is that the garage gave me a loaner car to use. The bad news is that the loaner had a crushed front end and was missing a wheel.
The good news is that the loaner was sitting next to the wrecked vehicle. The bad news is that I need to replace my hearing aids.
New radiator: $560
New hearing aids: $4000
*The “smoke” was actually steam. What good news! And I was really driving my dearest teaching widower’s car, since he had to travel for his job and took the better vehicle. Duh.
A little bibliophile humor today in honor of the birthday of Peter Mark Roget (1779-1869), author of Roget’s Thesaurus of English Words and Phrases Classified and Arranged so as to Facilitate the Expression of Ideas and Assist in Literary Composition.
Bluebird, you had me at happy! Let’s all celebrate (commemorate, observe, mark, keep, honor, remember, memorialize) the clever Roget and his thesaurus.
Hater’s Gonna Hate! As Taylor Swift once said “hater’s gonna hate, hate, hate” but what she forgot to do is balance it out with “lover’s gonna love, love, love” – silly Taylor Swift… If I have to share ten things that I love then, just so the world doesn’t implode, I have to then share […]
This is a terrific post, funny and authentic. It doesn’t hurt that I have many of the same hates. Well, fish bodies and sharks that take out airplanes,. I also love iPads and I’m loving this Guy McFaceGuy. Check it out!