* The Bitter Teacher Back-to-School Guide

You never thought the summer could be soooo short; between a second job and staff development, you had one week off!  Why do parents complain about taking care of their children for a few weeks?  And it won’t be long before they are griping about workdays.  Plus the kids will have forgotten all they learned last year and you’ll probably get that crabby administrator who is shuffled from school to school.  Here are some back-to-school tips just for you.

  1.  Enjoy your last night before school starts, staying up as late as you can.  You shouldn’t smile at kids before January anyway.
  2.  Resurrect those old boxes of crackers for the classroom snack.  They don’t have peanut butter and you can’t even read the expiration date.
  3.  Lock your classroom door and keep the lights off so any late kids and their parents are forced to return to the main office.  After all, what is the intercom for?
  4.  Double-check with the principal to ensure that subs are available when the specials teachers are absent.  That’s your planning time and the PE teacher doesn’t need any time just to organize a game.
  5.  Take tranquilizers before the Back to School event.  Watching the way kids run around like crazy while their parents ignore all misbehavior is a sure indicator of a long year ahead.  Identify bullying parents and see if their child can be reassigned to a beginning teacher.
  6.  Contact the school nurse well before the first day of school to see who takes meds for ADHD.  Have the school social worker on call to summon parents if ANY kids seem unmedicated.
  7.  Assume that all new kids are behavior problems and figure out how to have them placed elsewhere or medicated.
  8. Print up your stacks of reminders to parents about clothing for specials, rules for the playground, field trip chaperones, lunch money, snacks for the classroom, requests for supplies, room parents, PTA meetings, book fairs, and Teacher Appreciation Week.  Have your assistant use a different color of paper for each set of reminders.  Make sure the request for classroom supplies is stapled on top.
  9.   Figure out how to skip the boring PTA meeting, especially the first one where all the troublemakers start agitating the group.bitter teacher.png

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