1. I was videotaped today for an educational endeavor. How special I am! The sweet folks involved pointed me to a chair in front of the camera. There was a mirror on that chair, which they said I could use to “check out” how I looked. Seriously? I had just done that in the restroom. I set the mirror on the floor next to me. smiled patiently, and said, “I’m good!” The lady facing me said, “Uh, you have some lipstick on your teeth.” I grabbed that mirror and wiped off my smile and a glob of ridiculous lip gloss that had somehow, somewhere fastened itself to my teeth. Fortunately or unfortunately, I didn’t feel as stupid as I looked.
2. Today’s delightful episode reminded me of a humongous special education meeting at which I was the “guest of honor.” I was asked to provide my perspective on a contentious student issue. All the top brass were in attendance. I had parked in front of the school in a no-parking zone, checked myself in the mirror, and walked into the room. The only available empty chair was at the head of the table so I was right at home. I don’t remember much about the meeting, which may be a good thing. When I got back to my car, I glanced in the mirror and saw a glob of mucus sitting in the tip of my nose. Somehow, somewhere, that glob had fastened itself to my nose. Did anyone tell me I had a piece of snot on my nose? Nope.
3. I’ve mentioned before how my dearest widower has a bit of a word-finding issue. He’s very quick witted but sometimes struggles to find the right words to say (which is why it takes him forever to write a book). We had just arrived in California many years ago, amazed at the gorgeous views along the San Andreas fault. In fact, my widower suggested that we pull over so he could snap a photo of a particularly verdant landscape. A highway patrol officer pulled over, too. What a coincidence! I was shocked because we were not speeding. We weren’t moving, for that matter. The officer pointed to a no parking sign in front of us. My husband smiled and said, “Officer, we just couldn’t resist this opportunity to get a…ticket.” I was certain he meant picture. The officer was equally amazed, so he let us go on our way with a warning. I still find myself giggling when I think of how sweetly, how innocently my widower made that comment. When he reads this, he will deny it ever happened.